Friday, December 31, 2004


The fact is just this: Not only does Donald Trump act like a big ass, he's the owner of one too, according to my sister who was in a 'box' with him at a recent pro football game. The story is also corroborated by one of her friends. And they aren't just talking large here; they are talking freakishly frickin' HUGE. Like a big old fat bubble. Like J. Lo.

Now you will begin to notice that in photographs and films of him he is only shot from certain ass-disguising angles or from a seated position.

How apropos.

Wednesday, December 29, 2004


Lately, I have been in the beautiful state of Pennsylvania. It snowed. Only two inches, but it still snowed. Had a great time with the family.

Lately, I have seen The Life Aquatic (not as good as I'd hoped), The Aviator (not as good as I'd hoped), Sideways (not as good as I'd hoped) and The Magnificent Ambersons (better than I'd hoped).

Lately, I've been reading A Confederacy of Dunces (fiction! what a rarity for me) and The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists (more fiction and absofuckinglutely hilarious.)

Lately, I've been wondering what the hell possessed me to order something from the evil empire known as Amazon. I located a hard-to-find Billy Bragg CD listed on Amazon and, against my better judgment, went ahead and ordered it. That was on December 8th. I have still not received the damn CD, although it was promised to me by December 26th. That was a Christmas gift to myself. A useless one, I might add. Of course I have emailed them, twice, with no reply. Yes, my credit card was charged and I have the receipt. I should have trusted my gut on this one. Bastards all.

Lately, my sister told me if I could find reasonably priced tickets to Paris, she wanted to go with me, someone who can speak some French. She wants the discounted airfares, but she also wants to stay in a four-fucking-star hotel, which she is willing to pay 100% of. Woo Hoo! I thought I'd be stuck in this country for the entirety of 2005. I'm going back to Paris, and I'm staying in one of the best hotels there. Last time I stayed in a two-star hotel. I've never stayed in a four-star anything. Look out.

Monday, December 20, 2004

A Few Things:

There is something wrong in the blogger community when I'm the one updating the most frequently.

I told a really funny joke the other night to a group of people I know fairly well. After I said the punch line, there was a collective blank stare from the group. It's not that they didn't find it funny. NO ONE in the group knew what 'sodomy' or 'fellatio' meant. !!!!! What the . . .?

Movies I've recently watched: Amarcord, House of Sand and Fog, Lawrence of Arabia, Bombshell, Bad Santa (All I could stand to sit thru, anyway. It's the only Cohn brothers film I absolutley can't stand.), Rope, and Babette's Feast to name a few.

Friday, December 17, 2004

We had a belated birthday dinner tonight at the Meeting House in Myers Park. It was probably the best dinner I've ever had in Charlotte.

For starters, Aaron had the cheese plate with Maytag Blue, Port Salut and Cotswold Gloucester. I had fried green tomatoes with prosciutto and a triple mustard vinaigrette. We split a fried oyster caesar salad with polenta croutons for the salad course.

For our main course, Aaron had the lemon-dusted scallops with carmelized onions and caperberries. I had the roasted pheasant breast over a winter vegetable fricassee with a side of duck confit. And for dessert, I had decaf and Aaron had decaf and a glass of porto. Yum.

The best part of the meal was the way in which it was served -- they took a substantial amount of time between courses, which is the way any multi-course dinner should be served. One needs time to drink, smoke, converse and digest one course before the next is served. Aaron and I have eaten at restaurants considered better and more 'fine dining', but they always rushed us through our meal, even with no one waiting to be seated next at our table. That is inexcusable and stupid. Think about it -- if you give people time to digest and get hungry again, they'll eat more. Basic common sense.

Good choice, Sweetie.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Goings On

1) We have a fig tree in a bucket of water in our kitchen. Don't ask -- it'll be too complicated, and you'd just get confused by the answer. I know I did.

2) One of things I hate most about the season are all of these people who get you a gift when I didn't want/expect one at all. So, now I have to brave the stores to reciprocate. Bitches.

3) I'm trying to be more of a girlie girl. I purchased hot rollers to see if I might be able to do something with different with my hair. The first night Aaron came home and said, "Oh, you're hair's cuuute," then started laughing uncontrollably. I don't know why, but I didn't believe him. Later he said I looked like the mom from That 70's Show. Bless his heart.

4) Today is my Big Sweetie's birthday. Yes, I'm talking about Aaron. Dumbasses. I cannot tell you how much I love that man. He smells good (not all men do you know); he sings well; he's sweet and cuddly and lovable; he's smart and witty and charitable; he's honest and principled and sexy as all get out, and most importantly, he loves me like nobody's business and then some. Happy birthday, Honey!

Sunday, December 12, 2004

Yesterday was the first day in a really long while that Aaron and I had nothing to do. I mean, we had no where we had to be, people we had to see, or chores we had to finish. While the freedom of being able to go anywhere and do anything was fun at first, we actually found ourselves a little bored. When I get bored, I get goofy and silly.

Aaron and I talked about how when were children and we couldn't just up and go anywhere we wanted to, and found ourselves bored along with our friends, most of the funniest stuff happened just from the sheer silliness that ennui brings. This is something, I suppose, I've never outgrown.

Seeing a funny-sounding word on a sign and saying it over and over again with different inflections, voices and accents never fails to amuse me. I crack myself up. To most others, I am sure this is just an annoyance. To Aaron, it is cute and amusing. Yet another reason we're soulmates.

I had one friend in particular named Michelle who was infamously hilarious and goofy. She was well-known for making people pee in their pants. Years later, as seniors in high school and after quite a number of years where we didn't really hang, she and I went on a trip to Puerto Rico together. In the middle of the ocean while we were snorkeling around a coral reef, I realized she'd not lost her touch. I peed in my bikini bottoms (the top would have been just too difficult).

On day when I was around 12 and after peeing all over myself numerous times when Michelle was over at my house, and she was on her way over again, my mother wisely asked, "Why don't you go pee now, before Michelle gets here?" My mom, the genius.

Saturday, December 11, 2004

We went to see Shaun of the Dead at the dollar theater tonight. It was $2.50 well spent. It was hilariously fun.

There were two women sitting behind us. They started talking just as the movie started, which is stereotypical but became stereotypically funny as the movie progressed. The first zombie appeared and was impaled thru the gut by the hero and, of course, got right back up immediately and began trying to attack once again. Once of the women behind us said, "Oooh, look! She's gettin' back up again. Don't she know she's dead? Oh, yes, she is -- she's gettin' right back up." Did they not know this was a movie about zombies?

One thing bothered me, and always does when I see it happen -- stupid adults bringing very young children into to see a movie like this. Comedy or not, there was much gore to be found, like the tearing apart of an abdomen and the eating of the entrails. What will these children be like when they are adults? Will they be so inured to violence and gore that nothing will bother them? Will they see images from a war and think, 'I've seen worse than that before'?

Monday, December 06, 2004

I love when I get accepted for one of those product research thingies. It usually lasts one to two hours and I walk out of there with $65-$100 cash. I don't know how I got on the list, but I did, and I'm grateful.

The only thing better is showing up for one and they've overbooked it, so I'm asked to leave; I then stay all of 10 minutes and still walk away with $75 cash.

Woo frickin' hoo!

Sunday, December 05, 2004

I've always believed that it's important to learn something new each and every day, and I try to do just that.

Today I learned that he has a master's degree in special education. His Father is a physicist. He loves the Lord of the Dance. He has a "squishy", 10-inch penis.

I have learned enough for one day.

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Philly is just so cool. God, how I miss it.
I am officially sick. As a dog. And I want my mom right now.

When I was little and I was sick, my mom used to make me grilled cheese sandwiches that were smooshed impossibly flat, cream of tomato soup, and serve it with olives on the side. If I had a sore throat, she would freeze rootbeer in ice cube trays for me to suck on. I realize now there is probably no worse food a person can give a sick child, but it was the love that went into it that counted. I was the baby of the family, an unexpected triumph in procreation at that, and my mom babied me constantly. She didn't just love me -- she looooooved me.

It was that overprotective doting-upon that I rebelled against with every last fiber of my being, after I had my tonsils removed and wasn't sick again for years and years. My father was tough. My sister was tough. My friends were tough, and I hated the fact that my mother was so sensitive and brought me up to be like her. I didn't want to be sensitive. I wanted to be TOUGH.

So, I treated my mother like she was silly and overprotective if she worried about me at all. I, who in order to prove she was as tough as anyone in the neighborhood, would do greatly outlandish and silly things. Things like climb the highest tree in the woods or swing across a deep gulley on a vine or place a ramp at the end of our long, almost vertical driveway and fly out into the middle of the street without looking both ways.

It was me who would jump off a swing at the highest peak of swinging, rather than waiting until I was closer to earth, and jump off the tallest dirt mountain on my dirt bike, pushing the bike out from under me in mid-air to ensure it wouldn't fall on me after I hit the ground. It was me who French-kissed a boy (with my mother watching, unbeknownst to me) for the first time in fourth(!)grade. It was me who smoked her first cigarette, a Salem, inside a wooden barrel and came out green and wobbly because I wasn't just inhaling the firsthand smoke but the secondhand as well.

Although I may not have been sick again for quite a while after the removal of my tonsils, I did manage eight broken bones. Understandably.

And now I'm overly sensitive and tough, an unlikely combo to which most cannot relate. And when the weather is cold and damp I have lots of aches and pains. And when I'm sick all, I want is my mom.

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

I have just about all of my Christmas shopping done already. I had it done by mid-November. There are two things I can't stand: Shopping and crowds. If the two are combined, I'm liable to end up in jail. So, I do the smart thing and get it all done early.

My wonderful husband always gets mad at me around this time of year. See, the problem is that I can almost always guess what he's going to get me, and my intuitiveness makes him angry. I gently explained to him last night that it's not my intuitiveness' fault, but his lack of originality that may be to blame. He was jonesing for a cigarette, which his doesn't smoke during the work week, and he didn't take that very well. On second thought, maybe it didn't have anything to do with the jonesing.

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